I try not to miss you anymore
but I think the heart exerts
far too much influence on the mind.
Some days I dont think of you often.
Some days you never cross my thoughts,
other days I fight a losing war
with the ghost of your memory
who haunts me without any mercy
hiding around each corner, jumping out
at me, screaming obscenities,
displaying himself with no shame;
wounding my heart with a brutal
sword of steel pain, until silent screams
echo through my writhing soul.

I know you dont think of me
and even knowing you dont
has no effect on my pain and loss.
You have other things, people,
in your thoughts that have, at last,
crowded me completely out.
Im not in love with you, but
I do love you, and I dont think
that love will ever die, I hoped
that in time in might but deep inside,
I know it wont, though its unrequited.
Just a short note would be appreciated
but then again, maybe its best this way
and if I never hear from you again
someday I may stop thinking of you .
but i still hope to hear from u again.

weeeee~ tt dae went to wild wild wet wif wei, ying n lin. onli the four of us. very fun.. hahass. like four crazy woman lidat .. kip luffing non stop.. den suddenly like go back to our secondary skul daes lidat.. onli few of us.. den luff n luff n gossip arnd.. lols. reali miss those daes. so i wun forget tt dae.. very memorable.. hees. i like the "ular-lah" very fun nehs. we kip playing tt wan n pose to the camera.. hahss. den when i play the slide-up my hart almost drop out. feeling like jump off the building lidat.. freyo~ xia si ren neh. n i hate the position.. like doing wad lidat.. lols. so ugly. still got alot of tings nah. but dunno how to describe oso. hmmm.. after tt we go orchard, den took neoprints! waaa.. its been damn freaking long since we take neoprints together..... i will rem tt dae.. =))

den ytd i slp till 5pm.. hahas! very shiok.. after tt meet lin 7 at plaza for dinner. den i go spin spin. lin go woodlands. n about 10 plus meet lin again at gr mall. tt chou nu ren ... arghh.. c her oso sian lorss. mi n lin go opp gr shelter de playground sit dwn n tok cock till 4 plus in the morning den go home.. wahas. ppl wan to wake up le den we go home.. damn tired.. ytd kena scolded by yishu until very jialat.. wa.. he scold ppl very power sia.. scold until i wanna cry.. but he oso for the good sake of mi lahs. he ask mi dun be so stupid. sae i childish. naive. tink by doiing all tis will help. but in fact im onli torturing myself n nothing will change. hais. yah lorr. tts true la. but he jus wun uds how i feel de.

later gg to watch midnight show wif lin.. den c hu else oso going lo.. wan to watch the eye 10. hahass. scaryyy. ok lahs. update again. stomach pain wanna go toilet le. =x bb!

hohos. went to sentosa wif lin, yishu, sam n huiwen ytd.. but din get tanned leii.. sun not strong enuff.. woke up very early tt dae.. tired sia.. after tt we went to town.. body almost brk ar. my bag damn heavy.. feeling v shag ytd.. jus go walk walk nor. hmmm.. den wei told mi tt after we go find her den went out le, they went in to find her.. den after they went out, we went in again.. reali not fated.. hais. nbm.. den today at home rot again.. tis few daes my hse alwaes weird weird de.. mayb my aunty came back to find us.. hai.. tt dae, the second dae she pass away, in e nite i heard some breathing sound beside me.. as if sumone sleeping beside mi.. den my mum oso told mi she heard sumone breathing beside her.. maybe its reali her.. today is the 7th dae she;s not arnd le.. i was alone in the afternoon.. maid not here le.. my door was closed den suddenly it open itself..i tot its my mama but nobody is arnd... its reali weird.. hais. hope she is having a gud life up dere..

i still cant let go.. ive tried not to tink, not to see, not to listen ... but.. my heart still continue telling me the same ting.. haiss.. reali feeling very miserable n remorseful.. oredi look on the bright side le.. but at certain time will tink of it again... its killing me..
i surrender la.. dun be so cruel to me can anot.. u r not like tt in the past.. wo hen tong ku.. memories kept haunting mi... wad shld i do... teach me.....

-i tink of u, i tink of u when its gone.. -

gone.... my aunty juz passed away.. fark.. u see?? y m i alwaes the unlucky wan? she didnt take mi away wif her... hais. gone le. once a person is gone, she reali wun come back ler. i dunno wad to do now. cos im reali at lost... no one can help mi.. i cant even help myself.. wad to do now? hais. i din even get to see her for the last time.... y didnt i visit her... im reali guilty.. 2nd time le.. i settle down, tell myself tt everything will be fine, n tis kinda tings happen.... oh god... im reali tired... pls take away half of my misery....

my worlds are breaking apart. my hopes are crushed. all by u. u said u love me. u said u cared for me. but ur actions dun even click wif ur words! u're the one hu set it up, and now u're the one hu make it stop. don't u tink wad u've done is very unfair to me ? ya, i was at fault becos i died for sumone else but not u. but why?? why do u haf to treat me tis waee? we jus started n u wan to gif up? u noe how it feels? u noe how painful im feeling? do all of u noe wad im going thru! u dont! wtf. when i was hospitalised, u noe the pain im gg thru??!!! needles poke into my flesh. for 4 farking daes. anybody can uds tt pain? looking at ur own flesh, own blood. but u culd do nth about it. nurses haf to change clothes for me, n i cant do it all by myself. its jus changing clothes. i cant even pour a cup of water by myself. i dun even haf the strength to do it.the feeling of reali h e l p l e s s . n, i put aside my pride jus to haf u back. i noe the ans long ago but i jus didnt gif up. i wan to hear u personally sae the ans. ok, all tis i can forget it. suan le. when i discharge, i told myself, i wan to start afresh. i wan to forget my past. i took alot alot of courage to stand up again, to treasure wif hu i haf, to lead a simple life. its a new mi. and wad happened now?? u bloody hell tell mi u wan to leave mie???? why!!! y izit tt when i regain my confidence, when i wan start everything anew, when i needed u the most u wan to leave me??? u noe how i feel? u r like tearing mi apart. giving mi so much hopes n crushing it jus in a second. fark it. i have never felt so helpless in my life before. now tt i fall again. i reali dun haf the courage to stand up again. i reali dun haf. so does tt means tt wad u told me is all fake? including ur feelings for me?? hais. i was tinking, y did god save my life tt dae? y dont jus let mi go??? u noe how miserable it is to go thru all this farking incidents once in a shot???


den, the next dae, my parents quarrel. quarrel until like shit. mum start to question mi all sorts of tings. i had enuff. i jus told her not to care for mi anymore. jus let mi rot all by myself. i dun nid anyone's concern now. she kips tinking tt im having depression now n she even wan to find 2 counsellers to counsel me. pls. stop tat. im not crazy. i oso dun nid any psychiatrist. all of u pls stop seeing mi as a crazy woman. im normal. i dun nid all tis! by doing all tis all of u are making mi even more craZy! i jus told her. stop doing all tis shits. i wun appreciate. in fact i will hate her even more, pls dun make mi hate u n pls dun force mi. to do the tings tt i dunwan to do. im reali going crazy. stop forcing me. reali tired of life. sigh~ y do i haf to go thru all tis shits! y mus it be me...............




LOOK. this is wad the needles did to my hand.

well feeling bored right now so decided to blog. jus in a few daes timez alot of tings happen... tired to sae oso. but shld i sae itz a blessing or im unfortunate? ive learned alot during tat few daes of torturing. learned how to treasure, cherish, let go. i can sae tt itz a blessing i din died. sumtimes i will tink tt y did god save my life n didnt let mi die? but on the other hand, i wanna thank god.. i finally saw it. hu cared for mi... n hu jus simply fark care bout mie. its obvious.. i found back my frenss.. i cannot sae tt everything is back to normal again, but i can sae tt even though we were separated for some time, u all r still dere for mi when im in trouble. thanks a million. love u all.

i feel so sorry n guilty tt y shld i do tis kinda tings? y shld i let my parents n family so worried bout mi.. esp my dad.. i owe him alot.. i've disappoint him times n times.. daddy is the most wonderful one.. thoughout good times n bad times, family will alwaes stand by u. haiss. promised to live strong n not to let u all down again.

its stupid to do such tings ... i wun die without u. i've finally seen ur true colours. im fortunate tt theres still alot of ppl around mi tt care bout mi. the process of these few daes are reali miserable.. its torturing.. they even forced mi to drink 2 big cups of charcoal. which is omg. almost wanted to gif up.. hais. u noe hows tt feeling? no one noes. y mus i go thru tis kinda tings? its horrible..

now, i will live my life happily, n jus let go of everything i had in the past. want to turn over a new leaf n start afresh again...

i will treasure wif wad n who i haf now. love everyone of u. muacks!

wohohos. im still feeling abit high rite now. =x lolss. ytd was fun... went to sparks wif weile they all.. n end up we like go dere to sing lidatt.. mite as well go k box. hahass. i drank alot alot ytd.. 4 diff kind of alcohol. im half dead liaoo.. very diu lian lehs. ytd im like a siao cha bor lidat. hais... made a deal wif lin ytd.. she will forget him n i will oso forget him.. i jus nid time to get him out of my mind.. everything will be alright by den... n omg i --. lolz.. wad am i doing ?? itz reali dots. eee.. i vomitted 2 times.. n its black in colour.. lol.. dunno wad e hell is tat.. yawnss.. reached home at 6am. lucky got Lf to send mi home.. or else i tink i'll be slping at the bench under his blk.. lol... thks arr. n sorry for the trouble.. =x

before tat in the day time jux went town n blabla. i was like the delivery woman for the whole dae. zzz. argghh.. having a headache now. shall continue to blog tml~ tata.

im back. hahas. finally i got my com repairedd. n my fone too. anywaes, got tings to update ya'll le. i failed my o. onli got 2 credits. lols. omgz. such a disappointment. but nvm la.. i noe i did my best can oredii. den i register nafa n ite at the same time lors. c which wan can go in den i go which wan.. but nafa damn ex lorss. omgz. 3000 +++ for a year sia. im gg for multimedia course.. for both nafa n ite. if reali nv go nafa den i go ite bahs. cos anywae i interested in multimedia mahs. n i quitted 77 street le. hahas. cos audrey not dere le ma. den i oso dun feel like staying dere le. but seriously i reali dun bear to leave de. audrey la! play wif her cat summore lorr. den late. LOL. den tt dae was my last dae .. n luckily i get to take pic wif javier. wahas. =x i was smiling to myself all the wae when i was on my wae back. =X wakaka. heess.


well i haf to quit le . tt dae my mum complained to my dad. den my dad sae if one dae i dun quit, he dun come backk. haiss. so i promised him tt i will quit nors. summore nowadays so ex. omg. im broke le lorz. i dun even haf a dollar wif mi now. lolz. pathetic siaa. i stopped for 3 daes n i sick like dunno wad... so today i bought one again. =x promised tis will be my last one liaooo.


omigawddd!! he told mi he missed mi! we didnt chat for quite some time le. jus now he suddenly smsed mi tat.. seriously i was quite shocked.. cos i reali tot he had forgotten everything tt we once had orediii. tat four letter words seem to haf a little impact on mi sia. after i c tat sentence it seems like everything come back again.. maybe this will be the chance for mi to forget the other one bah. cos i reali hope i will. i dunwan to suffer anymoreee.. gtg. nites everyone.