and when she speaks
Sunday, April 30, 2006
im still feeling tired. rotting at home. dun feel like doing anything.. from the moment i wake up till now im doing nth.. jus slacking.. i need jobs. i need money. he told me he jus brk off wif his gf tdy.. n he reali came to tell me. cos tt time im joking n told him tt if he's single mus tell me. n i dunno y.. when he told me he's single ald.. i feel sort of happy.. but oso feel sad for his gf.. cos i can see tt his gf loves him alot. anewae, y do i feel happy? stupid evil bitch. erica do u noe hu im refering to ? if u noe, jus keep it to urself. y ah.. stupid flower heart gurl. haha.. can anyone teach me how to be loyal n faithful.? lol.
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HER
thoughts
5:06 AM;;
Saturday, April 29, 2006
im tired.. jus back from DXO. now waiting for my hair to dry.. so decided to blog. today was actuali a sort of gathering for all of us la.. but sadly only got 5 of us. ailian, cindy n eileen tan wasnt here. nvm gurls, we go out some other dae ok ? =) i met eileen n kailin earlier in the noon to shop first.. actuali was jus planning to window shop. but i knew my hands jus couldnt control! haha. after so long of enduring.. no shopping for one month.. now tt i can shop.. my hand jus wun listen to me lah! okie.. we went to marina.. n i spent about 100.. argh. i mus find a job soon. or else i reali got not enuff money to use!anyone got jobs to intro ? ? it was fun going out wif them.. nv felt so happi for so long ald.. cos they're reali my true frens! n we're best friends since sec 1 till now.. and still going on.. = ) hehe.. hmm.. after changing places for soooooo many times, finally we decided dxo our last place. change again i smack dem! haha. wa piang.. the place is packed wif damn lots of ppl. and there's free show summore. wahahs. there's a gurl kena taken advantage by sooo many ppl. i tink she's drunk. but i dun pity her at all. hu asked her to be a slut. she is happily kissing every guy dere.. and its like the guys keep changing.. i dunno how to describe. but.. wa lao.. interesting. we even saw the guys putting their hands into her skirt.. touching her ass n etc. her top got ripped off.. left one side of the top wif her bra.. walking arnd.. kissing other guys again.. omg. cheapo! horny bastards. i cant imagine if i was the one being molested when im drunk.. omg... nono.. that would nv happen.. i'll die first.. yucks. im not tis kind of gurls.. so open minded.. oh ya.. randy! im not tis kind of gurls ok! stupid u.. his impression of me is that im those gurls tt will let ppl touch when i go clubbing.. listen carefully.. im not!! n not ur so call.. ahlian. =) smack u! hahaits reali interesting la. should video down. haha. n the guy's expression. giving tt horny look. asshole. feeling so tired now.. standing for the whole dae. EILEEN KAILIN! I WANNA GO SENTOSA! hahaha. i will pester u ! till u go wif me. hehe.. ive got nth more to write la.. mind blank nw.. guys....... i've totally lost faith in all of them. they suck. duno y they got tis tinking that after breaking up, cant be frens anymore.. y ah ? can anyone tell me ? so childish.. the only person tt i still at least haf some faith in is ter. i hope he wun let me lose the faith. i trust him the most. hmm 5am ald.. bed time!
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HER
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1:34 PM;;
Thursday, April 27, 2006
weeeeeeeeeeeeeee! my assessments are over!! congrats to me! and.. i passed every subject! wahahs. im free nw! hey peeps, sorry ya.. for those hu called me out during my asessments. and i reject all of them.. im so sorry! but now, i'll make it up. hehe. date me out pls. i jus finished my assessments ytd and 2 ppl date me ald. i guess all of u are waiting for tis dae rite. haha! cant wait to go out wif me. =x lol.. ytd michael called me.. he asked to go zouk.. but last min.. so i din go.. im so paiseh.. keep rejecting for so long.. n till after my assessment over i still reject. =/ next week ok ? promise! erica u mus go too! after tt when im on my wae home steven called me too. but i oso din go.. sorry.. =x yeah.. later we'll be going to erica's hse to drink. our drinking session again.. i make sure u'll see more of me.. tt time at yongteck hse is only part one.. part two coming up today! haha! oink~ =) do u noe it feels so great to haf wonderful frens with u ? thanks erica yt and derek. i reali feel happy to noe u guys! wif u guys arnd its more den enuff man. hehehe. and erica.. PLS STOP torturing my boobs! haha. friday.. i tink there's nth on.. saturday.. im going out wif my darling gurls!! in case for those hu dunno yet, if u happen to read my blog, pls come! i miss all of u.. AILIAN. KAILIN. EILEENs. CINDY. LINYING AND JIANGWEI. we're planning to go club but haven decided where to go. pls come ok! its been fucking long since all of us meet out. u gurls are my everything! hahaha.monday.. i'll be going out wif my dearest terence! planning to go for movies and some shopping. aww i miss him so so so much. the last time we went out is more den half yr ago.. everything jus changed so much but nvm, some things are fated.. and if u want.. things can be changed back to the past. jus that its abit diff to do so la.. i cant wait for monday. i hope he wun cancel last min.. the rest.. have not plan yet. but there's more to come! oh ya.. we are having a chalet for ex 1T classmates... pls turn up alright? its at the end of may. and pls confirm to us ( me, erica or ishak ) asap! condition is haf to pay money first! i miss 1T lots too! im realli running out of money.. i need my atm! who's gonna be my atm ? =) i guess im jus too tired la.. few daes ago i didnt sleep.. nearly collapse la.. the feeling is like dying.. cant sleep.. almost 3 daes.. sure a torture. n finally i can get to sleep ytd! n thats the reason hu caused me to be late for my test! my test starts at 2 n i slept till 150pm! omg.. power rite.. in e end i still managed to get dere.. but im late.. luckily the conductor let me take the test. he's v good.. there's one question which i did wrongly.. he stood behind me.. n he click on the previous question n help me choose the correct ans. hahaha, damn good rite.. BUT!! i still failed. wahahahaha. tts my first time taking the test. nb.. i haven finish reading lo. planned to wake up early to read but i didnt even hear my 9 alarms ringing. i heard nth! wa lao.. i regretted wasting such a long time here. i shouldnt haf gif up going to the test on feb!! jus becos of an asshole.. nb waste my time.. now i have to wait till june!! i wasted half a yr lo.. knn.. actuali when im doing the test im VERY confirdent wan. cos all the question i noe how to do.. but i dun uds y i still failed. nvm la. i swear i will pass the next time. laugh at me if u wan!! i dun care. if that person wanna laugh at me den let him be.. better den somebody's TP.. dunno take how many times.. oh am i pinpointing at somone? did i? if u're getting angry now means u are the one! =) i can be a fucker too... and guess hu i saw today at bbdc? i saw jon.. lol. suddenly stand infront of me.. den i was like so stunned. but act like im normal. tok to him i dunno y my tongue reali got tied up! cb.. feel like killing myself at the moment.. very fast sia.. he sae 2 more prac den he will be having tp ald.. y so fast ah? i tot he jus reached 18 on the end of march? n now he sae 2 more lessons tp ald.. i dun uds y leh.. me leh.. from december book till now still booking the same thing.. argh!
today's entry seem to be a long one.. i shall stop here n prepare to go erica's hse. or else she will kp me again. hehe. bye!! anywae.. to yt.. im sorry.. u shld noe wad im refering to.. i dunno y it turn out to be like tat. sincerely sorry...
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HER
thoughts
3:42 AM;;
Saturday, April 22, 2006
helloooooooooooooooooooo! im back to blog awhile. =) too stressed. mus tok to my blog awhile. haha! i;ve been veryyyy busy lately. so i've got no time to update! hee. its 5.32 am nw. n im still doing hw. having a short brk. well.. too long din blog i got no idea wad to blog. cos.. its all about hw hw hw hw hw hw and more hw! ma de. damn stress. but luckily im left wif 2 subs. which is the most troublesome one. FLASH. omg.. its diff ok.. i see my flash i feel like puking. if i've got the time i will surely redo. but no time ald. so nvm. jus gif me a pass will do. its saturday.. n guess wad! i went to skul! hoho. i went to skul jus to do hw.. n tis is the first time i stayed in skul for so long.. n its a sat. i stayed till 11.30 pm. power rite. hahas. n till nw im still doing hw. wa piang. nv in my life i've been so hardworking before! ask kailin n she will tell u! haha.! i tink she has nv seen me lidat before. right lin? haha. i look damn ugly nw. wif my horrible dark rings n eye bag! due to lack of sleep. argh. even going to skul i haf to cover wif make up. cos i reali cant let others see tt side of me. later all kena shock. wahahs! im v tired nw ald.. i colour till my finger hurt.. =( no ppl sayang. haha! just kidding. i jus hope a good and kind soul will help me finish up my flash. i sure help u in photoshop! exchange deals la.. hahaha.. till nw im still very high. woooohaaaa! cos u noe why??? i saw that guy!! in 190! wa piang.. he's no ordinary guy. he has extraordinary looks. that till nw in singapore i've nv seen a person as suave as him!!! reali.. lin saw him before too. she oso tinks he's suave. my so call (cine/heeren) guy. cos he alwaes hang out dere. still rem 2 yrs ago when i first saw him is in heeren. im wif cindy tt time. cin u still remember???? hahahaa! i tink im very fated to see him. wahaha. i swear even my fav celeb toro n that guo pin chao cant even be compared to him. omg im jus crazy la. u noe the moment i see him board the bus. i reali feel like shouting out. hahaha! but i keep telling myself.. pls.. dun shout.. u'll gonna die if u shout. haha.. realii.. so irrisistable. omg...u noe the feeling is jus like u're sitting in the bus and suddenly u saw edison boarding the bus. i dun mean his looks la.. the feeling .. haha.. i tink he can fight wif edison laaa. lol. even in the bus.. alot of gers gossip.. im sitting dwn.. n there's 2 grp of gers. standing at the center of the bus. the wae they see him is so obvious. still act like wan to see dunwan to see lidat. haha. im the strong one! i tell myself i cant turn my head. will make myself very paiseh. but actuali i reali feel like turning arnd. jus becos i dunwan to let him noe tt i wanted to see him. hahahaha. k la.. i dun sae bout him le. better dun ask me face to face about tis guy.. cos i sure tok non stop.. talking about him makes me so excited. lol.. wa.. i wun forget tt scene jus nw. hee..i shall continue wif my work ald.. dun worry.. i'll be back soon! cos my assessments ends on wed. and i'll be freeeee! date me ok? after my assessments on 26 i still haf my basic theory test on 27. haha. wish me good luck! i dun wanna take a second time. =D chaos.HE IS SOOOOOOOO SUAVE!!!!!!!!! =p *drooling*
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HER
thoughts
2:33 PM;;
Monday, April 10, 2006
the gurl is in pain. but silently have to bear with the pain. nvm berlin, its jus a guy. wads the big deal about guys ? i dun need them anymore. i jus need their money. heaven loves playing jokes on me... afterall its all a JOKE ? ok. funny enuff. everytime when i started to put in trust, den everything gone to zero. anywae, i will be strong. i wun be sad. problems came all together. i shall not think about that guy again. 8 daes before he still sent me a msg.. 'blabla.. u're in my heart' in ur lanjiao ah, in ur heart?! 8 daes later or maybe earlier.. i duuno.. i found out tt he has a gf. not to be confirmed but most likely. it doesnt matter anywae. wadvea things they tell me now i'll jus treat as toilet paper. wipe my ass wif shit n flush it away. fuckers. dun tell me all sorts of bull shits. whoever it is...... i ald find it HARD to trust their words! shall stop mentioning bout him anymore. i've drawn a line between us. perhaps im alwaes the one thinking too much. we'll be just frens but i dun wanna see ur face to remind me of hurtful things again.... stress.. getting in my head. my brain is full of stress n pain that might get me into trouble soon.. honestly speaking, im at the verge of breaking dwn n wanting to commit suicide again. silly, or wadever u name it. its my own prob. maybe u guys care but den teach me how to relieve stress from myself.. im getting nowhere. the amount of stress i haf nw is as much as that time when i got the urge to do silly things. u'll nv noe how much work im facing nw.. i've got no time to finish it. but y im still bloggin nw is becos if i continue.. accident sure happen. i cant find anyone to tok to. i tok to my blog. it dun speak but it listens. argh, wad bullshit am i toking about. i dunnoo.. i reali dunno.. i duno whether izit a wrong choice to get into nafa. i didnt regret getting into nafa but i dun seem to be able to compare myself wif others. others work are fantastic while the moment i look at my work i feel like tearing my few daes effort apart. someone pls help me. i cant take it anymore.. i feel like dying. i nv noe studying plus some personal problems will lead me to haf the intention of dying..... hu should i turn to... im lack of sleep. i reali need some sleep but i dun even dare to close my eyes. i dun even dare to sleep. HOW. i reali feel like sleeping........ im so tired.. my frens aren't sleeping for daes too. or rather all nafa ppl haven been sleeping.. for one dae or even more.. but y can they still smile so happily? izit my prob? i reali cant! i wish i could smile like them.... or its that everyone is putting on a mask? dead` i wanted so much to enjoy life.. but at this moment. i tink god shld jus let me die. if i stil cant manage to release myself. i dunno ahh.. history might repeat again. u'll nv noe wad crazy things i'll do. but i hope i will be able to control myself..... skin me n u'll see the scars inside.
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HER
thoughts
2:16 AM;;
Saturday, April 08, 2006
i must blog today! in case i forget i once had tis dream. lol. =x wa piangggggg! vry sweet can. but i nv thought i will dream of him out of a sudden. haha.. the dream is fading ald but wad i noe is i nv wanna wake up from that dream. he's ken. one nice ah beng. not to others but to me. reali v sweet to me but we're from diff worlds. shit. i cant reali rem that dream ald! but one scene i nv forget is the hugging scene. lol.. thats the best part.. i reali dun wanna wake up la.. let me hug him. so comfortable. anywae, i realli dunno y i will dream of him out of a sudden la. we've brk up for so long ald. n tis doesnt mean i got feelings. jus find it real sweet. i heard from ivy that he went in ald. =( i asked his fren to double confirm, his fren oso sae he went in ald n no one is able to contact him.. jus hope he will turn over a new leaf when he comes out. i dun uds y guys alwaes duno how to use their brains to think. alwaes wanna do stupid things to make others worry. hmm, i dreamt of shan shan too. she's my god sis. i miss her hell lots. n its been so long since i seen her.. i wonder how is she nw.. we used to be very very close.. she alwaes bring me out for spin, go shopping, see dogs, her hse, she alwaes buy things for me, n sometimes she will secretly let me smoke. haha.. its yrs ago... i hope she's still doing fine ba.. =( i wanna stay in that dream!!! *hugs*
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HER
thoughts
1:10 PM;;
Thursday, April 06, 2006
im sorry peeps! for neglecting all of u.. im reali reali busy wif my skul work!! i cant breathe with those assessments stacking on top of me. hais.. im reali stressed. i cant losen myself. its so tight. i reali cant breathe anymore. i couldnt take it. i almost cried in class. i reali wanted to cry out loud. but i reali dun wanna embarrass myself. i tink i've given myself too much pressure. so ppl who asked me out, IM REALI SORRY. i will try to fork out time IF i can. if cant, it will be after my assessments. its not that i dun wanna meet u guys. hope u guys will uds!
i shouldn't. hidden feelings which i myself duno wad thay are. i hope they're not wad im thinking. i shouldnt haf feelings. dun ask me wad im toking bout. maybe we shouldnt haf met ? its so weird. chemistry is a word which cant be explained. but y should i haf feelings for beasts. im not saying that person is. but guys are beasts. they are bastards. i'll rather be numb than haf any feelings. they cheat. they sweet talk. they tok big. they jus need gurls to satisfy their needs. they treat gurls as puppets. they are so horrible.. how shld i trust guys again.. guys dun get offended. i noe some are not but 99% out of 100% is. u guys noe wad kind of person u are. dun tell me in ur life u've nv been a fucker before ? one beast which i met tis yr is a good example. saying this, but doing that, and still... he push blame to others. he put words that he sae into my mouth n claimed tt he did not sae that. its me! wtf.. i hate ppl hu dun admit their mistakes.. n i see tis guy almost everydae. im not petty. but why shld i deserve tis ? thats y i sae guys are mother fuckers. luckily i din not put in any feelings. pure entertaining which didnt hurt me. dun try to fool arnd wif me. i'll gif u wad u deserved.
and.. i spoilt my bond wif my best fren. y good frens will eventually fall for each other? is there anything call purely true frens which doesnt involve any love in it ? i hope there is.. i wish that everything can be like wad we are last time. den i rather we dun tell each other how we feel. some things are better to be kept in the dark. i regretted. i broke the bond..
MIA for time being.. i'll blog whenever im free.. reli busy.. take care pp`i shouldn't.
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HER
thoughts
5:57 AM;;
Saturday, April 01, 2006
drunkards! wooo. ytd was a happening night!! hehehe. im so sorry for all the trouble i've created ! hahaha. after skul, yt came to my hse first, while derek go paragon. after 10, we met up n went to yt's hse. erica joined us at bout 2. lol.. she brought her jeremy here too.. den our drinking session began! we played tt stupid monkey game, n derek got scholarship. LOL. i wun forget how funny he is!! we video-ed dwn his forfeit. shaking his butt. if possible, i'll try to upload it here n share wif the world. hahahahhaa. good things mus share wad.. den i played guessing game wif erica. wa piang.. tt game im super retard can! tts the reason y i got drunk in such a short time! i kept losing.! lol.. i duno how to describe wad happened ytd la. but its definately happening. hor? my darlings. hahaha. derek sae me n erica were like 2 monkeys. =pso how was the pinching, biting, beating, slapping n hugging? haha! u guys will nv wanna make me drunk. i'll give u hell. lol.. i guess i mus be blacklisted in yt's parents mind. next time i cant go le.. paiseh sia.. im still feeling v terrible nw. hangover for the whole dae. im still giddy nw. when derek told me wad i've said n done, i luffed till my jaws drop. bwahahahaha. yawns~ still feeling high but i haf to do my photoshop. argh.. tired.. i'll endure.. holidaes coming soon! okie, i stop here. go n do my photoshop le. bb! stay tuned for that interesting video!! lol.. derek, soon u'll be as famous as tammy! hahahaha. =x i'll groom u. bye!
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HER
thoughts
7:21 AM;;
