and when she speaks
Monday, April 10, 2006
the gurl is in pain. but silently have to bear with the pain. nvm berlin, its jus a guy. wads the big deal about guys ? i dun need them anymore. i jus need their money. heaven loves playing jokes on me... afterall its all a JOKE ? ok. funny enuff. everytime when i started to put in trust, den everything gone to zero. anywae, i will be strong. i wun be sad. problems came all together. i shall not think about that guy again. 8 daes before he still sent me a msg.. 'blabla.. u're in my heart' in ur lanjiao ah, in ur heart?! 8 daes later or maybe earlier.. i duuno.. i found out tt he has a gf. not to be confirmed but most likely. it doesnt matter anywae. wadvea things they tell me now i'll jus treat as toilet paper. wipe my ass wif shit n flush it away. fuckers. dun tell me all sorts of bull shits. whoever it is...... i ald find it HARD to trust their words! shall stop mentioning bout him anymore. i've drawn a line between us. perhaps im alwaes the one thinking too much. we'll be just frens but i dun wanna see ur face to remind me of hurtful things again.... stress.. getting in my head. my brain is full of stress n pain that might get me into trouble soon.. honestly speaking, im at the verge of breaking dwn n wanting to commit suicide again. silly, or wadever u name it. its my own prob. maybe u guys care but den teach me how to relieve stress from myself.. im getting nowhere. the amount of stress i haf nw is as much as that time when i got the urge to do silly things. u'll nv noe how much work im facing nw.. i've got no time to finish it. but y im still bloggin nw is becos if i continue.. accident sure happen. i cant find anyone to tok to. i tok to my blog. it dun speak but it listens. argh, wad bullshit am i toking about. i dunnoo.. i reali dunno.. i duno whether izit a wrong choice to get into nafa. i didnt regret getting into nafa but i dun seem to be able to compare myself wif others. others work are fantastic while the moment i look at my work i feel like tearing my few daes effort apart. someone pls help me. i cant take it anymore.. i feel like dying. i nv noe studying plus some personal problems will lead me to haf the intention of dying..... hu should i turn to... im lack of sleep. i reali need some sleep but i dun even dare to close my eyes. i dun even dare to sleep. HOW. i reali feel like sleeping........ im so tired.. my frens aren't sleeping for daes too. or rather all nafa ppl haven been sleeping.. for one dae or even more.. but y can they still smile so happily? izit my prob? i reali cant! i wish i could smile like them.... or its that everyone is putting on a mask? dead` i wanted so much to enjoy life.. but at this moment. i tink god shld jus let me die. if i stil cant manage to release myself. i dunno ahh.. history might repeat again. u'll nv noe wad crazy things i'll do. but i hope i will be able to control myself..... skin me n u'll see the scars inside.
left
HER
thoughts
2:16 AM;;
