and when she speaks
Thursday, June 29, 2006
its very late now, but i wanna blog before i sleep. few daes ago is my birthdae, but seriously i dun feel anything. not even happy at all.. cos im very sleepy. hahaha. but anywae, wads the big deal about birthdae. haha. nothing to get excited about.. its not as if money will drop from sky tat dae, not as if eveyrthing is free tat dae. and not as if everyone will be my slave tt dae. lol.. but anywae, i still wanna thank my frens la.. derek, erica, randy, kimyong and yeesheng for celebrating it wif me.. i dun even planned to eat smth good. but they bring me to swensens.. and there's still a surprise cake. haha.. so touched.. thanks a million. reali appreciate! all tis would be enuff.. i dun need to haf any grand bd celebration.. cos i tink its craps. hahaha. anywae sometimes i even tink tt ppl tt are not reali tat close to me.. treats me even better den my close frens do.. wadz past will be the past la. not going to sae much cos i noe blogging alwaes get ppl into trouble.. so to prevent myself from getting into unnecessary trouble, maybe i shouldnt sae much. ppl will sometimes misunderstand wad i sae... and somehow there will be KPO ppl in this world finding some trouble for me.. if u start tinking whether im refering to u anot, maybe its time to clear all ur sins. cos ur conscience is not clear! hehehe. but for some ppl, no many how many times u clear ur sins.. the mark will alwaes be there.. so nv do anything bad! recently, there's some conflict in our class.. i dun care how others tink about me. but if i tink u've been a bitch.. den dun blame me for not giving u any face. i hate liars.. i dun understand why my current class is full of BASTARDS, JACKASS, LIARS, FUCKERS N HYPOCRITES. haha.. i nv bluff.. tis is the worst class i've been to. alot of fake ppl... all took away my trust in them... fuck. and i'll nv be a good soul again.. cos everytime i tried to be someone nice, i got bitten. i hate my class to the core. if u're someone from my class n unhappy wif wad i jus write... fuck off. at least i speak my mind. not like u..... hypocrite.. something is very wrong wif my class la. haha.. class of fuckers. lol.. alright, i admit im one of the fuckers. but if not becos of those ppl, i wouldnt be one. some people jus dont know how to hate and wad it is to hate someone... i reali wished i haf the ability to do that.. n haf the ability to be gracious.. forgive n forget.. too bad i cant.. its getting late. good night.. ` pls let me go.... i felt like i have to stick wif u forever. but i hope tt u let me go...
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1:57 PM;;
Sunday, June 25, 2006
been very unhappy lately.. duno hw to cheer up.. anywae, derek n randy.. thanks for being there.. i really appreciated.. dun worry bout me ya. i wun do anything silly.. =) stress from skul is getting heavier. i hope i will be able to cope wif it. today is ald 25th.. 2 more daes will be my big dae.. but it means nth to me.. i dun feel anything.. and even thinking tat the closer the date it is to me, the more i feel sad. i dun planned to celebrate at all.. even if i planned to celebrate.. who the fuck will come ? who the fuck gives the damn shit about me ? besides kailin yishu n kelvin u tell me who will even bother to come? anywae its not important anymore la.. its jus another normal dae to me.. jus tt im jus a yr older.. it makes no big difference. soon i'll be used to be alone. ytd when i went out alone, someone asked me wad are frens for ? i feel like asking back.. ya wad are frens for ?! frens... everyone seems to be drifting away. tell me who are my true frens. i thought that... i wun die without a bf. wads the point of having a bf.. i dun mind.. at least i still have friends.. now.. even frens seemed to be so far away from me.. tis world is so fucking unfair and cruel. jus fuck off. i dreamt of smth so real. it cant be explained by words but i can really feel the pain.. of losing my own baby. when i wake up i was even wondering whether its real anot.. but luckily its all a dream......
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1:12 AM;;
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
i dun understand myself anymore. perhaps im the one who haf a split personality instead. night haf to come, friends haf to go, i still haf to be alone. avoiding reality cant be eternal. cruelty still haunts u at the end of the day. why cant i be like a normal girl ? i had enuff of myself.. im making myself miserable. when can i learn to let go and take things easy ? its easier to be said then to get it done. i admit im jus acting like everything is over, trying to be strong. how long will i take to get over all these? i find myself too contradicting. sometimes i seriously wished tt he's dead. sometimes i wished tt there is a reset button for us. thinking of the sweetest moments we shared reali smittens my heart and made my heart s miled but a sec later, to come to think that everything is jus a lie, i wished i could kill him immediately. i think it will be difficult for me to let anyone walk into my heart again. i hope the seal will nv open again. i dun mind being alone for the rest of my life. perhaps my thinking might change somedae, but tats wad i think now. i thought of something jus nw. tat really hurts my heart. but since i cant undo it, i shld forget it. i alwaes believed god planned everything for us. when to be blissed, when to suffer, who i should meet, and what i haf decided.. but i dun uds why must he plan it this wae. tormenting enough for me.. i've sealed it and i'll keep everything inside again. wads the point of saying anywae. well, its true that wad goes around, comes around. bt the karma is reali a great one. seriously wad is life about? maybe we haf to experience the worst before we grow up and step into another stage.. den, we mus be prepared to experience another one again. is that wad tt makes a person grow up ? maybe.. i'd rather be a dog. tis yr is reali a tough yr for me... to be honest, i ald cannot take the stress im having now. of cos, not only becos of this prob.. there's alot of others.. how i wish im reali able to delete wadever tt i dun wish to haf.. maybe this is a test for me. whether im strong enuff to overcome it. anywae, glad to sae.. one of my problem is ald gone.. i felt so relieved. becos that is my biggest fear. if that were to happen, i can tell u tat i wun be able to take it and overcome it alone. but since its over, i shall thank god and learn from my mistake. pls think before doing anything. one wrong step can change my entire life. give me a chance, i wun make such stupid mistakes again. i promise ! there's still a long wae to go.. pls get out of my mind. grrrr... is there any wae to de stress or to keep me from thinking? tt time i tot of getting revenge.. not only to him, bt to every guys out there.. and wad a childish thinking of mine.. y do i tink of that ? i mean.. for wad? when izit going to end if everyone thinks of getting revenge? n by getting revenge... can it turn back time ? can it take away all my pain and make me feel better? about tis entry, dun bother to tell me.. not to tink about it anymore, dun be upset anymore... U guys noe its impossible not to tink, and.. tis time im not gonna be fake and reply Yes, i am fine. thanks for ur concern and i've stopped thinking ald.. that is so fake and disgusting!
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11:30 AM;;
Sunday, June 18, 2006
feeling quite emo today. haha. becos of the final fantasy video randy showed me. jus feel so emo for the whole dae la. lol..
went to esplanade and orchard to take photos on friday. with two bodyguards.. wad a tiring dae. went to holland v den to orchard den to esplanade. but i haven got all the photos taken. i got to take tml after skul. but we had a nice chat there.. sitting down.. looking at the river and the night scenery. enjoying the breeze.. i like to feel it that wae. jus felt so peaceful. =)
ytd watched omen with that "scary movie 4 gang" u'll uds why i sae that later. haha.. anywae i find tis show quite boring la. not nice at all. anywaez going to watch scary movie 4 on tues! hehehehe. aiya.. im lazy to blog ald. cos im watching guess 3 nw. no momentum to blog ald.
continue tml !
lols. they look funny. and randy looks like a playboy
dickson ( Ju On ) look damn funny lo. wahahas
tis is CRAP! saw tis on a website. acting like squall and rinoa. *pukes* LOL.
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9:55 AM;;
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
its a tiring dae. im so fuckin tired. slept for only 2 hours and i haf to dig myself out of bed for morning lessons. as usual, i was late again. damn.. my skul rules sucks. late for more den half an hr, u're counted as absent. wtf. thats so unfair. half an hr isn't too much wad. and our new rule is that for one module, u can onl be absent ONCE. even if the second time u haf a mc, they will still mark u as absent. they said unless u're dying or someone else died. wtf ! tell me wad skul rules is tis?!!? and i will try not to be late and absent ald. cos if ur attendance is not good, it will deduct 5% of marks from ur assessment. i tink smth is wrong wif nafa man. i will nt to be slack anymor!
tody's lesson is a tiring wan. i tink i will borrow camera from skul in future. for photography lesson. cos my cam CMI ald. and it costs a bomb to buy a good one. wait till i strike lottery la. haha.
after skul, i went to bugis wif derek and randy.. and i wanted to collect my addidas jacket but... aiyah. so fucked up. long story la. dere goes my brown n orange jacket. =( anywae i believe one dae i will find it! or even a better wan! luckily he refund my money. if he insist tat i cannot take back, i'll burn his shop ! u idiot! stop all the bullshitting man. n thats not the wae of doing business! u can close down tat shop ald ok. boo~~~~
we went back to skul as derek if meeting esther they'll. so all of us went to town tgt. in e end its still left wif the 3 of us. lol.. anywae, i happy! cos wif my refunded money, i can buy new clothes instead! its like.. FINALLY! wahaha. i tink they must be very tired following me n waiting for me. becos i went in to almost evry shop. haha. cant blame me la. too long didnt shop ald. therefore im kind of excited jus nw. LOL. i bought my lacey belt jus nw! i jus love it so much. but i mus do smth to the bucker la. maybe i see if i can change it or wad.
i was hunting for white tops jus nw. cos all my white tops got dyed by mummy when she wash our clothes. =( its all my fav shirts! n derek saes i shouldnt alwaes wear black. ok la, i will look for more white tops! n my white 3 quarter pants. and randy bought me a white tshirt as my bdae present. thanks so much! i didnt noe that, i tot he's toking cock wif me. cos he alwaes tok cock. but when i wanted to pay den suddenly he pay for me. ya anywae, reali thanks alot. =) xiao guo~ haha.
everything was still alright before i looked for alicia. so chatted wif her awhile, n she suddenly mentioned about that bastard. n worse still, its things tt i dun wish to hear. im alwaes keeping myself busy n doing stuffs becos i dunwan to tink about anything tt is related to him. i jus wan to delete him away. im in a good process ald but when she started talking about him, everything jus like went back to zero again. after tat, i totally lost my mood. i wanted to find things to vent out my anger but i cant. so i jus remain calm, n tell myself.. he is nth to me. so i shouldnt be bothered. im proud of myself that i can walk out of this shits bravely alone. so keep it up! one dae, it will eventually be gone.
--- is who i pretend to be.
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11:03 AM;;
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10:57 AM;;
Monday, June 12, 2006
something is wrong with me. i dunno wads happening to me. i dunno y am i feeling so frustrated and moody. i jus feel like crying. but i reali duno why! -.- but that's true. but why do i feel like this ?? i wanna cry for nth ? wth.. im alwaes throwing my temper. and SOMETING is reali not right......... sigh. i feel like wanting everyone to die jus nw. i felt like im going mad. my brain is dying la. arrgh! fark! wad is happening!! and am i being too paranoid? nightmare is coming!reply to all tags : thanks for those hu tagged. for all the good words... thanks for being there! and ya, i am proud of myself ! and to cin.. i bought it at 1618. =)
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10:14 AM;;
Friday, June 09, 2006
im having very serious mood swings recently. so better not provoke me and i reali mean it. i wun gif face and will jus lose my temper. i dun care about how u ppl tink of me. maybe becos im too stress la. becos of many issues. one of them is definately money. but some ppl jus dun uds my problem. dun uds wads the meaning of NO MONEY. whole family is ald struggling, and i definately noe wad kind of condition they're going thru. though its not as bad as we haf to eat bread everyday, but i noe they're struggling la. studying in nafa is reali quite stress for me. its reali like no money, no talk. tis yr's skul fees increased so much.. omg.. when i showed my dad the amount, his expression changed. seems so stressed. reali hope i wun bring so much burden to my dad. but i cant do anything to lighten the burden. im not working... the only thing i could do is jus to study hard nw la. maybe i shouldnt be so vain la. alwaes tinking of buying clothes n stuffs. no one will uds this kinda feeling.. the situation im in now.. and how im feeling now.. though i noe there's much more ppl that is reali more miserable den me in this world. and some ppl jus dun uds.. when i sae, i reali got no money, i mean it. sometimes its not that dun haf the money. its that at such critical period i tink i shld not spend on unnecessary stuffs right. they will jus sae " take from ur dad la " of cos its easy to sae... but do u ppl noe how much he spend on me ald? i noe there might be ppl in my skul looking down on me. im not a branded person, becos i reali couldnt afford. i wanted to buy a better laptop too. but i spare a thought for my dad, and i tink that as long as the functions can fulfill wad i wan.. im fine with it. maybe i shouldnt expect too much. who doesnt want a nice laptop ? people is using VAIO, HP, Macbook. while im using acer. i noe the appearence sucks ok. people is wearing bebe, guess. taking LV, gucci. while im only wearing a normal t-shirt n jeans wif sandals. ya thats me. im not rich. i couldnt afford any of this. look down on me if u wan.. there's nth i can do.. jus dun compare me with u, can ald. forget it, no people will understand man. bravely, i will walk through all problems by myself. im reali moooooooody! =( i typed this whole fucking entry for 2 hours. -_-
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9:13 AM;;
Sunday, June 04, 2006
yipee!! i've finally got my lappy ! after waiting for so long. hehehe. though its not that nice in the appearance but, its fine wif me. at least stil can accept. hee. wanted to the the vaio wan. but lin told me 60gb is definately not enuff for me. luckily they told me. im a idiot at these stuffs. now, i've got a 120gb wan. LIN, BIG ENUFF LE MA ??? hahahaha. i'm still not very used to type wif a laptop. kept on typo. hahas. skul is starting tml. Like, Finally. i tink not many ppl wants to go skul as much as i want. all wanting longer break. but too bad for them, and good for me! haha. cos im jus too bored la. cant be trapped at home forever right ? gona wake up early and im like left wif... 4 more hrs ? but im still blogging. cos i noe i cant fall asleep for sure. friday, i went to suntec wif daddy. to the PC show. hell lots of ppl. and the traffic is.. not moving. arghh. the people there all pushing here and there. i felt as if im at the market. and as if the laptops are free. wth. ahhh~ my vaio. =( so nice can. cos its pearl white. love it. dad's car spoilt after that. it was jus an unlucky dae la. i wanted to go out alone ytd. but luckily lin msged me and asked me if i wanna meet her. hahs. or else i will be lonely walking alone. wa lao.. my heart jus felt so sour when i cant buy things i like! i dun even dare to take another look at those clothes. cos i noe i sure buy in the end. haha.. no shopping this month. =/ unless im still left wif alot of money at the end of the month. den i sure revenge! LOL. its so torturing not to shop. had stingray ytd. yummy yummy. took the last bus home. and i stil so bored. so i alighted at their bus stop. lin la ! ask me... 'u sure u not going to alight? ' LOL so i alight. -_- we even suggested to go fishing. hahaha. nvm, we'll do it ONE DAE! yea! and i walked home from park. in the middle of the night! im an ndependant woman. haha! i dun need guys to send me home! today.. went to PC show AGAIN. and can u imagine how squeezy will it be at the last dae of the PC show? its nuts. and bought my precious laptop. shall skip some parts. lazy. =x in the end i still managed to collect my specs and contact lens. hehe. thats the advantage of having a car! =D and im not the driver. so i jus relax. hahas. will be collecting my addidas jacket SOON! ha.. okie okie. if i continue i'll not be able to wake up tml. finally i can see my frens tml!im reali worried bccos -------im still young so ----- reali wished im thinking too much. pls-prays*
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10:58 AM;;
