and when she speaks
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
i dun understand myself anymore. perhaps im the one who haf a split personality instead. night haf to come, friends haf to go, i still haf to be alone. avoiding reality cant be eternal. cruelty still haunts u at the end of the day. why cant i be like a normal girl ? i had enuff of myself.. im making myself miserable. when can i learn to let go and take things easy ? its easier to be said then to get it done. i admit im jus acting like everything is over, trying to be strong. how long will i take to get over all these? i find myself too contradicting. sometimes i seriously wished tt he's dead. sometimes i wished tt there is a reset button for us. thinking of the sweetest moments we shared reali smittens my heart and made my heart s miled but a sec later, to come to think that everything is jus a lie, i wished i could kill him immediately. i think it will be difficult for me to let anyone walk into my heart again. i hope the seal will nv open again. i dun mind being alone for the rest of my life. perhaps my thinking might change somedae, but tats wad i think now. i thought of something jus nw. tat really hurts my heart. but since i cant undo it, i shld forget it. i alwaes believed god planned everything for us. when to be blissed, when to suffer, who i should meet, and what i haf decided.. but i dun uds why must he plan it this wae. tormenting enough for me.. i've sealed it and i'll keep everything inside again. wads the point of saying anywae. well, its true that wad goes around, comes around. bt the karma is reali a great one. seriously wad is life about? maybe we haf to experience the worst before we grow up and step into another stage.. den, we mus be prepared to experience another one again. is that wad tt makes a person grow up ? maybe.. i'd rather be a dog. tis yr is reali a tough yr for me... to be honest, i ald cannot take the stress im having now. of cos, not only becos of this prob.. there's alot of others.. how i wish im reali able to delete wadever tt i dun wish to haf.. maybe this is a test for me. whether im strong enuff to overcome it. anywae, glad to sae.. one of my problem is ald gone.. i felt so relieved. becos that is my biggest fear. if that were to happen, i can tell u tat i wun be able to take it and overcome it alone. but since its over, i shall thank god and learn from my mistake. pls think before doing anything. one wrong step can change my entire life. give me a chance, i wun make such stupid mistakes again. i promise ! there's still a long wae to go.. pls get out of my mind. grrrr... is there any wae to de stress or to keep me from thinking? tt time i tot of getting revenge.. not only to him, bt to every guys out there.. and wad a childish thinking of mine.. y do i tink of that ? i mean.. for wad? when izit going to end if everyone thinks of getting revenge? n by getting revenge... can it turn back time ? can it take away all my pain and make me feel better? about tis entry, dun bother to tell me.. not to tink about it anymore, dun be upset anymore... U guys noe its impossible not to tink, and.. tis time im not gonna be fake and reply Yes, i am fine. thanks for ur concern and i've stopped thinking ald.. that is so fake and disgusting!
left
HER
thoughts
11:30 AM;;
