and when she speaks
Saturday, July 22, 2006
had a chat wif mummy few daes ago. chatted about alot of things.. family.. skul work.. relationships.. money.. im actuali very tired but i hardly haf any chance to tok to her like tis. so i rather sacrifice my sleeping time. ya she's right.. loving somebody doesnt need to be tgt with them.. as long as he is happy.. if that person is happier with someone else.. den should let him go.. but of cos i am not as generous as my mum.. to let my dad go. while we're chatting, we cried tgt. seeing her cry makes my heart hurts.. but sometimes she jus dun uds me.. she jus scolded me like nobody's biz 5 mins ago.. im fucking pissed off with her. but, i cant do anything cos she's my mum. well sometimes i reali feel so unfair for her. but tis kinda things are all fated. and she suddenly asked me about terence. i dun even noe how to ans her.. and she even asked me izit tat he let me down in some wae. i covered up and said no. i jus dun wanna let her worry so much. haiz. everyone tells me their probs.. DEN WHO LISTENS TO MY PROBLEMS ? but wad to do.. they're my family.. i dun listen.. who listen... my mum.. bro.. da sao.. all throw their probs at me.. i wish i could help too.. when im doing proj tt dae, dad asked me to go to bed. even if i haven finish my work, jus go to bed. i told him i cant.. if i dun do.. means only derek will be doing. den the whole grp will die.. im reali very depressed about projects n started to cry while toking to him.i reli had enuff. everyone's true color is starting to show.. well i will not put hopes n trust in anyone again. aiya, forget it la. how can u find true frens in nafa ? everyone is jus using each other n wearing a mask everydae. jus fuck off can. dun act in front of me.. i'll see by the end of second yr how drastically my class will change. LETS SEE. every new term, new things will happen, new grps will be formed. and i actuali saw a change in smth ald.. but i dun wanna sae, so pls DUN ask. im fucking disappointed! only one person noe wads going on and how i feel.. it reali hurts. on fridae, the pain i felt is reali.... ahh it cant be described. hais. from now on, i'll jus care for myself. the rest, none of my biz ald.. wanted to go dxo but suddenly cancelled off. so i went home as i haf no where to go. dun realli feel like going home tt dae cos my mood is reali v bad.. but no choice. no one to go out wif me so i jus haf to go home. reached home for less den one hr den i went to town again. went to watch pirates of the caribbean wif roger. we waited 3 hrs for that show to start cos its all sold out. tat person oso very funny wan lo. he said theres actuali 2 more seats at the 11pm slot. but the seats are separated. -.- wtf. den still tell us for wad? brainless. when we're about to head for supper, he found out tt his car key lost. -_- so we rush back to find again. haha. lucky shit he found back. and we went to geylang to haf tau huey n you tiao. reached home at 5am. lucky mum din find out or else i sure get scolding.. ya fuck she's scolding me now. why cant she uds me abit.. scolded me for not helping her doing hsework even i got no skul. its not tt she duno i got alot of work to do. i cant take it ald la. sae its useless to haf a child like me. if im reali tt useless i wun even tink of buying her fav tidbits when i pass by. and when i tell her tis sentence, she can even sae, i dun need u to do tat! fine then.. i'll gif up everything.. my family.. my studies.. u.. in my eyes, there's only me. and let me tell u that.. i haf become like tat is all becos of u all, fucking cheebye!stop flirting with me, im giving up on u. disappointed.
left
HER
thoughts
10:34 AM;;
Monday, July 17, 2006
monday bluessssss. feeling quite sad, but i dun wana mention the reason. reali under depression mode.. im veryyy stressed with my skul work. in such a short time and i havent completed any subject. and we're mostly on group projects. should be completed in a faster rate right.. bt seriously, last term when its still individual work, by tis time i had ald finished most of the subjects .. skul work is already a heavy burden to me, but relationship thingys choose to make me suffer even more at this critical period. hey i noe its not the time to sae bout relationship things but feelings jus cant be controlled. thou im trying hard. anywae, i think he's realli dumb. he should noe my character is not like this wad. mus be SOMETHING that made me do this. dumb enuff to sae that to me. ahhh forget it. but seriously i hope the ''little devil'' in me vanish soon. its smth i SHOULDNT haf. wadeverrrr.. izit whenever u're feeling down wadever things tt u do will turn out bad ? my photo taking SUCKS BIG TIME today. im prepared to gif up. i dun even noe wad am i taking. newaes, i dunno whether i should sleep anot. im feeling quite tired nw at 240am. and im waking up at 7 plus.. i haven finish editing photos for photography lesson, but im still here to blog in order to relieve some stress. though it doesnt help much, but at least abit. since ive got no one to tok to, i should tok to my blog. fuuuuck! i reali feel like giving up in everything! i feel so tired.. haven been resting well.. my brain too.. hais.. anyone in the same boat as me ? its so SUDDEN.
left
HER
thoughts
11:20 AM;;
Sunday, July 16, 2006
woots. friday was fun! dxo dxo dxo. i dun care i wanna go next fri again. =) was laughing for the whole night. DXO MISS BIKINI CONTESTANT NUMBER 15. SHE SURE WIN! HAHAHA. damn hilarious i tell u. and there's kong ba pau oso. pig trotter. lolololol... my intestines almost burst. damn funny. we took some photos.. and i hope time reali stop at that moment! till now no one can be compared to them. still my gurls.. the feeling is jus so different. hee.. memories flash back to our sec skul daes. how fun it is. zq came to join us too.. been such a long time since i saw her.. i wun forget tt moment in the toilet.. hahahaha. her expression so funny.. damn fun!!
i vomitted AGAIN. and tell alot of things to my mum.. tat i couldnt sae. and got a lecture from her the next dae. haha.. told her bout the night club thing n TAT ting.. but nvm la.. since its jus a lecture from her den its ok.. den i;ve got nth to hide from her ald..
hmm.. ive got lots of projects to rush. assessment reaching ald. help ! ahh.. having a bad mood now..
YOU MAKE ME WANNA.
how true...
there's a joke behind this foto. wahaha.
we are so retarded. but i like! lol
wei.me
candid
HIGH mode.
=)
wei, jenny, ming
wei, lin
toilets.. hah
lian damn pretty!
i like tis. like MTV. haha
lian, lin, wei, jenny
lin, lian
left
HER
thoughts
8:54 AM;;
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
hmm.. its been a long time since i blog.. have been tooooo busy. lotsa projects to rush as assessment week is jus 2 weeks away. dead. im reali tired.. i slept at about 7am in the morning ytd jus to get my work done, and i woke up at bout 9 plus. tell me how can i not feel tired? i jus hate it when assessment week is reaching. and i'll look damn ugly. haha.
looking forward to fridae. =) i missed them so much!
im kinda disappointed in my own work. i duno whether its becos of the time constrain, or because my skills realli aren't that good anymore. and i made a very big mistake by trying to make the powerpoint slides look fancyful. and upon hearing wad he commented, i felt kinda sad too.. becos i reali spent alot of time and effort(realli....though there is not much slides), trying to make it look nice.. bt its good tat he gave such comments too... so that i can improve.. i felt so stress. i hate grp work.
we went to ps after skul. basically we did nth~ but damn funny lah ! hahahahhahahaa. tok cock dae. all retards.. and im oso one of them. hehehe. once agn, im broke.. ahhh- duno wad should i do.. im jus too tired.. its bed time!
`missed u. =(
done by me, for "LUCY'S" work. haha. theme- horror
done by ilmi. theme- action. LOL. immortal. and look at erica ! lol...
first love? hahaha. not by my grp, but im the model for randy's grp. theme-romance.
my birthday cake. bought by mummy n bro. =)
we jus cant stop being retarded. hahaha.
alrite.. night..
left
HER
thoughts
11:06 AM;;
Sunday, July 02, 2006
went to minds cafe with lin shu n kel ytd. i jus felt so weird. hais wadever. quite a nice place to slack and kill time. we spent half of our dae there.. they went home but i still dun feel like going home. going back to a empty house is damn meaningless to me. i rather be alone outside.. even if i haf nowhre to go.. i dun even feel like going home. my prob is getting serious.. my heart felt so heavy.. i reali cant cry even im feeling down.. do u noe its reali very tired to hate someone? after so long, i finally saw him. to be happy or upset, i reali duno. i missed him. i want to hug him like how i used to. i still love him.. i couldnt forget him. i failed. im a weakling becos i jus couldnt be strong.. my frens gave me encouragement.. asked me to be strong.. forget about the past and tink of the future.. seriously i reali cant. i... i cant live without him.. alot of things kept on reminding me of him... its so nice to be happy u noe? but y do i choose to live in agony. why cant i be like him? after breaking up, he can forget everything.. everything we once had.. even when we're not tgt.. those memories.. i dun haf the right to have feelings.. becos i cant let go. i dont noe how to let go. my heart reali breaks to see him being so happy wif his gurl. the tissue box reminds me of the tissue box i gave u. rmb those things i told u when u run out of tissue ? u rmb u said if i wanna go hongkong u will go wif me ? u said even if im only making use of u, u will still continue to let me do tat cos its all worth it. u told me if one dae nobody wants me, go to u. u'll definately be the one... all these words are enough to kill me... u said u wanna bring me to msia... u said u'll wait for me to go to ur hse den we finish that bottle of vodka tgt.. i may be childish to think about all tis.. but dun care if ppl tink im childish.. cos i still haven see the ending point of my love for u... y am i such a failure......... i noe myself very well tat i cant take it anymore but i still wanna prove to him tat i can live without him... howwwwwwwwwwwwwwww............................................. it is reali tormenting!!!!!!!!! i have a very silly thinking tat came acoss my mind jus nw.... i was tinking tat if ....... den he wouldnt be able to leave me anymore... y haf u made my life so miserable.... i looked into the mirror and laughed to myself " how pathetic u are " yea.. how pathetic i am... no perfect family, no friends, alwaes the one being cheated. how pathetic can i be ? ytd when they went home, i was tinking.... who should i call ? where should i go ? wad should i do ? fuck. i want to die. sometimes i reali got the urge of dying... life is beautiful? bullshit. maybe to others but definately not to me. my life was never beautiful... maybe once. when i still haf my sods with me... everything seems nth to me anymore.. everyone, can leave me for all u want. since im ald so pathetic... it doesnt matter having a few frens lesser. i dun need anyone. i dun need ur sympathy. even going out... i have to call other ppl to acc me. I REALLY CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE. MAYBE ONE DAE WHEN I'VE REALLY REACHED THAT LIMIT.... I WILL LEAVE TIS WORLD. SUCH PPL LIKE ME CANT LIVE IN TIS WORLD. maybe i shld be the one hu fuck off. not u.
left
HER
thoughts
8:49 AM;;
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