and when she speaks
Sunday, July 02, 2006
went to minds cafe with lin shu n kel ytd. i jus felt so weird. hais wadever. quite a nice place to slack and kill time. we spent half of our dae there.. they went home but i still dun feel like going home. going back to a empty house is damn meaningless to me. i rather be alone outside.. even if i haf nowhre to go.. i dun even feel like going home. my prob is getting serious.. my heart felt so heavy.. i reali cant cry even im feeling down.. do u noe its reali very tired to hate someone? after so long, i finally saw him. to be happy or upset, i reali duno. i missed him. i want to hug him like how i used to. i still love him.. i couldnt forget him. i failed. im a weakling becos i jus couldnt be strong.. my frens gave me encouragement.. asked me to be strong.. forget about the past and tink of the future.. seriously i reali cant. i... i cant live without him.. alot of things kept on reminding me of him... its so nice to be happy u noe? but y do i choose to live in agony. why cant i be like him? after breaking up, he can forget everything.. everything we once had.. even when we're not tgt.. those memories.. i dun haf the right to have feelings.. becos i cant let go. i dont noe how to let go. my heart reali breaks to see him being so happy wif his gurl. the tissue box reminds me of the tissue box i gave u. rmb those things i told u when u run out of tissue ? u rmb u said if i wanna go hongkong u will go wif me ? u said even if im only making use of u, u will still continue to let me do tat cos its all worth it. u told me if one dae nobody wants me, go to u. u'll definately be the one... all these words are enough to kill me... u said u wanna bring me to msia... u said u'll wait for me to go to ur hse den we finish that bottle of vodka tgt.. i may be childish to think about all tis.. but dun care if ppl tink im childish.. cos i still haven see the ending point of my love for u... y am i such a failure......... i noe myself very well tat i cant take it anymore but i still wanna prove to him tat i can live without him... howwwwwwwwwwwwwwww............................................. it is reali tormenting!!!!!!!!! i have a very silly thinking tat came acoss my mind jus nw.... i was tinking tat if ....... den he wouldnt be able to leave me anymore... y haf u made my life so miserable.... i looked into the mirror and laughed to myself " how pathetic u are " yea.. how pathetic i am... no perfect family, no friends, alwaes the one being cheated. how pathetic can i be ? ytd when they went home, i was tinking.... who should i call ? where should i go ? wad should i do ? fuck. i want to die. sometimes i reali got the urge of dying... life is beautiful? bullshit. maybe to others but definately not to me. my life was never beautiful... maybe once. when i still haf my sods with me... everything seems nth to me anymore.. everyone, can leave me for all u want. since im ald so pathetic... it doesnt matter having a few frens lesser. i dun need anyone. i dun need ur sympathy. even going out... i have to call other ppl to acc me. I REALLY CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE. MAYBE ONE DAE WHEN I'VE REALLY REACHED THAT LIMIT.... I WILL LEAVE TIS WORLD. SUCH PPL LIKE ME CANT LIVE IN TIS WORLD. maybe i shld be the one hu fuck off. not u.
left
HER
thoughts
8:49 AM;;
